Love of the Week

Summer is beautiful. I’m so glad it’s over.

I love autumn – love! Because now I can work-work-work without guilt. Not my own, mind you. I’m talking about the guilt people impose upon me all summer long with their sum-sum-summer-y inquiries, like: “How’s the golf game?” and “Where’re you headed to relax in August?”

Stop asking! Terrible as usual and to the office.

Look, summer has its moments. One of them is depicted in the photo you see, with Lirael and Pierre dancing across the lawn on a gentle July evening. And look too, I do not expect anyone to share my core values of Achievement (#3) and Workcentrism (#5). I just don’t want them to judge. That, after all, is what The Values Bridge is all about. Self-understanding – and then mutual understanding.

It’s not called The Values Bridge for nothing!

If we know our values, and the values of those we share our lives with, we can meet in the middle and talk about how our different (or even shared!) values play out in our lives.

This, by the way, is one of the very cool things about Becoming Us, the name of the Becoming You method when it’s undertaken by couples. I’ve been facilitating Becoming Us informally for about a year now. A friend of my son asked for it as an engagement gift, for example, and so did my daughter and her fiance. Last night, I received a DM from a longtime Becoming You community member who, with his wife, Becoming Us’d themselves during a long car ride.

He wrote:

“We talked about our results for four hours!! We loved telling people that our compatibility is because we shared the same values, but it turns out our core values are quite different. Hers: Familycentrism, Belonging, Eudemonia, Place and Non Sibi. Mine: Cosmos, Workcentrism, Voice, Belovedness, and Place. This gave us a language to use to talk about our differences and some patterns we noticed really made sense after that.”

To which I add, “Make me cry!” In a good way.

Just recently, on the pod, I facilitated Becoming Us with Erin and Abe Lichy, she of Real Housewives fame. (He is a lawyer and her business partner.) That was a wild ride, again in a good way.

The even good-er news is that, now with the distractions of summer over, I can spend even more time on Becoming Us every which way but sideways.

And just wait until winter strikes.

Hate of the Week

A few newsletters ago, I asked about your experiences with ageism, and you responded. Did you ever. As one correspondent put it, “When I turned 60, jobs dried up… and no amount of CV-ing, Fiverring, Upworking worked.” Another said, “After 1,100 job applications, I try to stay optimistic, but my hope is waning day by day.”

Hello, this dynamic is real, and it’s horrid. I hate it, and so should anyone who loves someone over the age of 50.

In response, I laid down a podcast today with my best advice to overcome ageism, and funny thing, the advice actually ends up being relevant for everyone who wants to stay employable in this not-fun job market.

Stand by, that pod is coming next week.

Hmm of the Week

Amazingly, there is no viral Dachshund content out of Australia to get me wondering this week.

In its absence, my wondering has wandered to Halloween, and specifically, to how much grief I am going to get from my kids for going as Joan of Arc…again.

I’m sorry, is there a better costume? Is there a better gal? She is Becoming You’s spirit animal! How could she not be? Recall, s’il vous plait, that her cri de coeur was, “I am not afraid, I was born to do this.”

That, mes amis, is the goal!

I will stop with both the French and exclamation points.

But never with repping Joan, especially on the night when we get to dress up like our wild — and precious — dreams.

What's coming?

→ Becoming You Certification Program, learn more here

Can You Love Someone Without Losing Yourself? with Erin and Abe Lichy

At its heart, Becoming You asks one big question: What should I do with my life? But sometimes that life is bound up with another’s — a marriage, a family, a partnership that tests where “you” end and “we” begin. In this special “Becoming Us” episode, Real Housewives of New York star Erin Lichy and her husband, Abe, join for a revealing, funny, and deeply human conversation about love, ambition, and identity.

Tune in Here!