Love of the Week

Sorry not sorry, but everyone hates the DMV for a reason.

Surprise, I’m here to talk about friendship! Or as Becoming You would have it, the value of Belonging, which reflects our desire for close non-familial ties, a sense of community, or both at the same time.

I’m thinking a lot about Belonging because this week, I finally had to go to the DMV. Yes, my license was that expired.

Because of my dread, I recruited two of my besties, also with overdue DMV visits, and we went together. It wasn’t exactly a party at 7:45 am – but wait, why lie? It was a party. Laughing, whispering, people-watching, complaining, high-fiving, more laughing. Everything, frankly, but vodka and Pitbull.

It is possible we looked like a bunch of nutters, the three of us.

Isn’t friendship grand?

Of course it is! And yet, as a value, where it shows up for most people is not very high.

I mean, it’s low.

The Values Bridge has now been taken by 85,000 people; that is a lot of data. Sit down, because I am here to tell you it shows that Belonging is a peripheral value for most people, across all demographics. It ranks 12th of 16 for women, and 15th for men, for whom only Luminance – fame – ranks lower.

The only exception? Widows. Nearly a quarter of us have Belonging in our top five. Personally, it’s #7 for me, but my authenticity gap suggests I’d like a lot more of it in my life. I get that, because, well, widowhood has a weird and special kind of loneliness. Whatever, just thank God for dogs.

But look, you don’t have to be a widow to love your friends and want more community in your life. The problem is, these days, with all the demands on our time and energy, Belonging has become a value we have to fight for. Life gets in the way, over and over again.

So when you finish this newsletter – and not before! – do me a solid and call a friend. Call two. They may need their driver’s licences renewed! Or maybe, they just need to hear your voice. I bet you need to hear theirs too. Either way, start the Belonging disco ball, and never let it stop.

Hate of the Week

Getting ready for work this morning, I listened to the NYT’s Ezra Klein in conversation with AI expert Eliezer Yudkowsky. Cheerful stuff! Here’s the bottom line: One day LLMs will go wacky and organize a very unpleasant demise for us all.

I don’t buy it. Maybe I just don’t want to because I love my grandchildren too much. But here’s another perspective. There’s a preponderance of evidence that human beings have managed to pull themselves out of bonehead brushes with annihilation before.

I believe we will do that again. Because love always wins. Which is yet another reason you should call some friends today. (But not yet!)

Hmm of the Week

Dachshunds seem to make an awful lot of world headlines out of Australia. Have you noticed that? First, it was Valerie, who wandered off during her parents’ Kangaroo Island vacation and had the world transfixed until her rescue 529 days later. And now it’s Alice, the sausage dog from the Outback town of Yulara who disappeared down a literal rabbit hole for six hours and had to be rescued by a fireman with a rope tied around his waist who was lowered into a tunnel dug by teaspoons so as not to endanger the pup.

Returned to her sobbing owner amidst cheering crowds, Alice did not blink a beady little eye.

Millions watched the drama unfold. I know because I have now watched the video 72,000 times myself.

My question is the following. Is Australia scamming us all with viral Dachshund content?

If so, I’m here for it. And, as you might have guessed, so is Pierre.

What's coming?

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The Lies We Tell About Love with "We Met At Acme"'s Lindsey Metselaar

It can’t always be about Taylor—but on Becoming You, sometimes it has to be. Especially when she sings, “When I said I don’t believe in marriage, that was a lie.” Because what other lies do we tell about love? In this week’s episode, I tackle the ever-complicated terrain of dating, marriage, and divorce with cultural icon Lindsey Metselaar, whose hit podcast "We Met at Acme" has made her an expert on modern relationships.

Tune in Here!