Love of the Week

I understand that motherhood is not for everyone.

It was not, in fact, for me.

All I ever wanted to do in life was work. I had no words for such a thing as a teenager, but I must have wanted to be a CEO, because I dreamt about carrying a briefcase, wearing a suit every day, going to meetings, and making decisions. As I approached my 20s, toddlers in supermarkets scared me. They were either crying or snotting it up. Friends stopped and cooed at babies in strollers. I peered in and saw grumpy little old men. Yuck.

And yet, because of the times when I was newly married, I had children anyway. Four of them.

Truly, on my knees, I thank God that I did.

Motherhood yes-or-no is on my mind this week, because a podcast listener asked whether children are worth it in this crazy, difficult, upside down world. Her question didn’t shock me. I get it all the time – from students, at speeches, from daughters of friends.

Usually, I reply with a very careful answer: I can’t really help you; the choice is so personal.

But this listener’s question tripped a wire in me. I can’t pinpoint why; maybe just a sense that I am not being totally honest in my obfuscation.

So here goes: Motherhood is hard, tedious, heart-breaking, exhausting, and identity-stealing. It is also fan-f*cking-tastic.

And there’s a one-word reason for that. (Well, there’s more, but if you want to hear them, listen to the podcast.)

That word is intimacy.

Yes, you can have intimacy with a partner. Jack and I shared every thought; I can still hear him breathing next to me some nights. And you can be intimate with friends. I could call my bestie right now and sing “be-boo-be-boo” into the phone and make her scream with laughter. I’d be screaming too.

But your kids are a different intimacy.

It can wreck you, like when they come home late from a party and you are staring at the ceiling in bed at 2 a.m., dying from rage and fear.

But it can also save you, by making you realize how not alone you are or ever will be. There is this child that is yours. And there is this sisterhood of mothers that is yours. And there is this universe that you belong to that is yours.

Big stuff. Sorry, I’m having all the feels here.

Look, I did not give my kids an easy or predictable life, and I was an imperfect, somewhat unnatural mother, to put it mildly. And they were not the easiest lot either, because they’re human. But at my son’s wedding, we had our dance, and he said words of gratitude and love that I will carry in my heart forever. Only he could have said them after all we had been through together, and only I could have understood them. At that moment, he was leaving me for his beautiful new wife, but I also knew I would never be alone in this world as long as he was in it.

Now, again, I understand motherhood is not for all of us. I respect that. A marriage can be too fragile; there can be health concerns. Of course, no nattering from me.

But if you are on the fence because you think the world is too hard right now to make it harder still with a baby, I invite you to think again.

And again.

Because if you can face down the madness of the world, you just might find that a child is the one thing that makes it all make sense.

Hate of the Week

OK, I’m sticking with motherhood here—and it’s on me. I hate that it took me this long to realize, “Hey, there should be a Becoming You webinar just for mothers.” That thought hit me this morning, and guess what, we’re doing it: Monday, Sept. 8 at 4pm EST.

Why wait? For years I’ve gotten so many DMs from women struggling with all the complexity motherhood adds to their lives—in work, marriages, friendships. It’s identity, too. I once had a student in one of my Three-Day Intensives start crying during an exercise because, as she put it, “I can’t remember who I actually am since I became a mom.” Her kids were 10 and 12. (I’m happy to report she’s in a great place now.)

Becoming You is designed to help you answer, “What should I do with my life?” When kids enter the picture, that question can get very messy. And I know the Becoming You process can un-messy things quite a bit. I know that from my own experience and now from working with hundreds, if not thousands, of moms. Honestly, I could smack myself for not realizing sooner that it might be a wonderful thing to have a mom-specific Becoming You session.

Anyway, fixing that! And if you’re interested, register here. It’s totally free.

Hmm of the Week

Let’s go all the way with this newsletter on the motherhood front! Here’s something I’m pondering. I’m throwing my daughter Sophia a birthday party. She knows it’s coming, but the details are a surprise; I can tell you this because my kids never read anything I write.

Here’s my “hmm.” Should I ask everyone to come wearing a wig to look like her? I think this is hilarious! But maybe she won’t find it amusing?

I told you this motherhood stuff is hard for me. Please lend me a hand and let me know what you think.

What's coming?

→ FREE Becoming You Webinar: For Mothers, register here

→ Becoming You September Three-Day Intensive, register here

To Be, or Not to Be… a Mother: That Is the Question

This week's special mailbag episode tackles four listener questions, but looms the largest: “Life is already so hard,” it goes, “and careers are so complicated and relentless—why would anyone choose to have a child these days?” Also on the pod: I answer a listener who wonders if it’s OK to be “working for the money” and the money only, and another listener who wonders how candid she should be in her job interviews about wanting work-life balance. A final listener challenges Suzy on the hot topic of whether “manifesting” is BS…or brilliant.

Tune in Here!

No longer want to receive these emails?

{% unsubscribe %}.
Becoming You Media