Love of the Week

Months and months ago – I think there was still snow on the ground – an old friend emailed with a favor. His company, New York Life Insurance, was having an off-site in New Jersey in July. Would I be willing to give the keynote?

Please never try to separate me from a microphone.

Of course, I said yes. And not just because I get a kick-and-a-half out of spreading the gospel of Becoming You, but also because the friend, a top executive named Alan Babbitt, had done me a few favors himself over the years. Most notably, every semester he puts in a star turn in my Management class at NYU Stern to explain what he does that makes his team love him so much. My students always want to take him home with them.

I wanted to do Alan proud in return. He says I did, which was a relief, but what I loved even more about the day was meeting the hundreds of agents who made up the audience, and hearing what they had to say in the book-signing line. Because for most of them, they had never heard of Becoming You, let alone me. This made for a terrific learning experience.

Perhaps not surprisingly, a lot of people seemed to be most impacted by what I said in my speech about The Four Horsemen of Values Destruction, those ineffable dynamics that get in the way of us living our authentic lives: Expectations, Expedience, Events, and Economic Security. As one woman put it, “I think I might be doing all of them at once.” I assured her she was not alone. (You can test yourself about them, for free, right here.)

Others in the book-signing line wanted to tell me how much they loved the two values exercises we did together during my speech, Six Squared and Whose Life (I'm doing many values exercises in an upcoming online workshop, BTW). Many were excited to bring them home to their families. I’ve heard this so many times it makes me wonder how many Thanksgiving dinners I’ve “interrupted.”

A few people – maybe a dozen – waited in line to tell me that my speech made them cry.

Yes, well, that happens. I might tell you it happens a lot. And it’s so understandable. Oh my God, it is. Because that moment when you realize who you want to be, and sometimes also discover in the same moment how long it’s been since you’ve allowed yourself to see that, can be very…emotional.

Been there, done that. Let me explain.

There is one Becoming You exercise, Values Solitaire, that is not in the book. I decided it couldn’t be. It needs a facilitator in the room – me, that is, or a Becoming You certified coach. I’ve just seen it break people open too many times. In fact, the first time I tried it on myself, alone in my office four years ago, I let out a huge gut-sob. First, I was thrilled I had finally nailed an exercise I had been working on for months. But second, and more fully, I saw a central Suzy truth I could not ignore. Namely, I had let my world get too small after Jack’s passing. I needed to kick my own butt and get back out there.

I did.

Values discovery is like that, too. The process tells you what you need to hear. But then, it’s on you to listen. I love that perhaps I kickstarted that journey for a few people this week.

Hate of the Week

The truth is, sometimes reality intrudes, even on the most soaring of weeks. In fact, it always does, because #life.

I had just heard that Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper had featured a quote of mine; I was euphoric. I admire Maria deeply, and yes, I was thrilled to get into front of her loyal fans.

But then the call came, from a friend I adore. He is young and vibrant. A walking beam of light. We’ve had many huge laughs together; we always end our chats the same way, with the words, “Big hug.”

“I have MS,” he said.

My heart stopped. Time stopped.

We talked. I tried not to cry, I did not want to burden him with comforting me, as it so often happens when we break bad news.

There is no silver lining to this story, except to note that treatments for MS are advancing rapidly. It can be managed, and my prayer is that it will be for my friend, and all others who have it.

But I tell this story here as a reminder (mainly to myself) that we can never love hard enough. And that my focus may be on helping people figure out their futures, but sometimes just living in the present with tenderness and abiding is what we should do. And must.

Hmm of the Week

I am obsessed with the Gen Z stare, a phenomenon that has recently taken social media by storm.

At last.

I feel so validated by there being an actual name for the look we’ve all experienced out there in the wild with our beloved 20-somethings, who can somehow seem to profoundly disdain us and be wildly bored by us at the same time.

Whatever! I was young once, too, and I am certain I drove a lot of people crazy. My problem, I might note, was the opposite of the Gen Z stare. I was…overly exuberant…about everything.

I wrote about the Gen Z stare for CNBC recently, because I see an interesting connection with my research. But my hmm this week involves a Gen Z stare I myself received a few days ago, when I fired someone. This individual had worked with my team for a week, and it was definitely not working out. So on Friday, I let this person know we would be parting ways.

Fish eyes. “Oh, OK.”

And that was it!

When I was 14 years old, I got fired from Cumberland Farms for being late for work. (My mother was to blame, for the record, as she was my ride.) I sobbed like a baby and begged for a second chance. I promised the manager it would never happen again, if I had to crawl to work on my stomach.

I’m still not over it!

Look, I know why the Gen Z stare exists, as my article notes, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept it.

Or maybe it does. I’m thinking about that. How about you?

What's coming?

→ Values Day: The ONLINE Becoming You Experience, register here

→ Becoming You Three-Day Intensive, register here

Your Life Coach Has One Question for You. Do You Know the Answer?

What happens when 50 of the world's most experienced life coaches gather in one room? Well, in this case, at Becoming You’s request, each one revealed the one “killer” question they need to know about you – that is, in order to take your life to the place it needs and wants to be.

Tune in Here!

No longer want to receive these emails?

{% unsubscribe %}.
Becoming You Media