Love, Hate, and Hmm of the Week

I love fear. I must.

That is the only way to explain this week.

Look, five years ago, I was walking my dogs through the woods of upstate New York so frequently that even they were annoyed with me. My husband had died, leaving me unmoored, and I use that word to skip the other, more true words. The pandemic was raging, the entrepreneurial start-up I was running (poorly) was in its death throes, and my real job on TV was on indefinite hiatus.

What else was I to do?

We covered a lot of miles, me and Happy, Chrissy, Miley, Norma Bean, Balto and Woolf.

Then some things happened. They are miraculous in retrospect. A friend mentioned he was teaching at NYU Stern School of Business, which put a thought in my head. I told my kids about a crazy career-discovery method I had come up with, and my son enthusiastically dubbed it “Becoming You,” somehow making it not so crazy anymore. The Today Show called me back on for a spot, and I realized, “Oh yeah, work. That’s what I need. Like full-time, full-on work.”

And then, I blinked. And suddenly I found myself this week standing in front of a room of fifty magnificent people – teachers, educators, therapists, coaches – launching a certification program for Becoming You, so that it might help people find lives of purpose in places as close to home as among NYU’s administrators and staff, and as far flung as school systems and coaching practices in New Zealand, Mexico, and California.

I mean, excuse me? Really, what the what?

OK, technically, I get how it happened. I had support and encouragement from the leadership of NYU Stern as I wrote, refined, honed, and expanded Becoming You’s curriculum. I built an amazing team of thinkers and doers, who helped me develop The Values Bridge, PIE360, and the five other (fantastic) assessment tools we have in beta. I had a brilliant editor and publisher at HarperBusiness who pushed me to codify what I knew into the Becoming You book. I had my kids and friends to keep filling my cup. And I had my dogs to remind me to breathe every now and again.

But…I still don’t really get how it happened. Because I have basically been in a state of panic and thrall for the past five years, stepping repeatedly into…fear. Doing stuff I’ve never done before. (Like, um, writing an algorithm and getting a PhD.) Making decisions I’ve never made before. Believing in myself in ways I’ve never dared before.

If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know I call this emotional state of blended terror and excitement “scarephoria.”

It happens when you step into the unknown thinking, “I cannot do this,” and “I was born to do this,” at the very same time.

Scarephoria has been my companion for the past five years. Nonstop. I realized that this week, while launching the certification along with all of Becoming You’s new technologies and collateral materials. The room was filled with beautiful, beautiful professionals. My colleague Dustin Liu calls them “purpose doulas” – people whose lives are dedicated to giving birth to the dreams of others. They have found Becoming You and want to share it with their communities.

That is only happening, I want to tell you, because of fear.

At first, I hated it.

Then, tiptoeing in, I wondered if it was really that bad.

And then, with all my heart, mind, and soul, I loved it.

I must have.

And so must you.

What's new?

→ Becoming You Three-Day Intensive in September, register here

→ Values Day: The Online Becoming You Experience, register here

Becoming You: When All the Pieces Click into Place

Over the past two episodes, you’ve met Becoming You alumni Max and Kristen as they explored their values and aptitudes. Now, in the final part of this special three-part series, it all comes together. If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like to ask, “What should I do with my life?” — and then do something about it — this is what real change looks like.

Tune in Here!